Thursday, October 13, 2016

What to Do When Your Child is Being Labeled?

As parents we are always trying our best to discipline our children. So when other people labeled our children as a very hyperactive, stubborn or disrespectful child, it really hurts us. For me, no one should call a child as such because this will instill in their minds. But what can we do, not all people can understand our children’s behavior.

For a working mom, like me, this is always my dilemma. I know I have a good son but when people see him behaving hyperactively, they will call him makulit. I was also hurt when I have learned that he already learned to say bad words. As much as I want to shield him, he’s a school boy already and I am not around to protect him from hearing words he shouldn’t hear and from seeing actions he shouldn’t see. That’s one of my fear and it came too soon. So even if I don’t like it, I have to deal with it.

My son is on his third year in school and this year school year, I noticed he’s been very impatient and still hyperactive. I must admit I am full of disappointment that I can’t help but cry and question my ability as a parent. Being a working mom doubles the pain and the guilt I am feeling. And I started to feel a big failure as a mom.

But after weeks of thinking and observing my son, one day I realize that this is just a test and for sure other parents are going through this too. Now, let me share what to do when your child is being labeled.

Stay calm

I think this is the very best thing to do first. To stay calm. It’s not easy to not get affected when you hear other people labeling your child. But holding your temper will make you think will and will save you from doing and something you will regret after.

Don’t show your disappointment

The first time I heard about my son’s misbehavior, I was really disappointed for I know I never fail to remind him to behave accordingly. But showing how disappointed I was didn’t help my son. He started to fear my acts and would not say anything. He wouldn’t talk and tell me everything because he knows I will get disappointment or mad. He started to be afraid of me and see as a monster.
When I realized that, I try confront my son calmly. As much as I can, I try to mask my feeling of disappointment. So I can hear him well so I can understand where he is coming from. Because I am sure there’s a reason behind that act.

Build trust between you and your child

Building trust is very important too. Showing our kids that they have us on their back no matter what can help build their confidence and trust on us. They will become more open to you and will not be afraid to tell their mistakes.

Be a good listener

Our kids are good story tellers. They have good memories too. So always listen to them. Show them you are always concern and you understand them. Good or bad, just listen. When they are done, ask them to listen too. Remind them that every act has its consequence and you don’t tolerate such.

Set rules and consequences

I tried punishment on my son. It’s more on physical punishment but whenever he was hurt, I get hurts a hundred or more times. It’s very heart breaking to see your child hurt in your own hands. So I promise I will never do it again.

So I think of a more peaceful way to discipline him. I list down rules that he must follow. I let him read that and told him that when a rule is twice broken he will have its consequence on the third offense.  He agreed and I printed a rule chart for each week on which he will put a smiley if he obeyed, and sad face if he broke the rule.

He was delighted with the idea and whenever he’s misbehaving, I just remind him that he will have a smiley on his rule chart. I just hope he will also remember these rules when he’s at school.

Be a good example

We are our children’s first idol and whatever we show them, they will surely copy that. If you have a helper or nanny at home, try to talk to them as well. Show them your rules and tell them to be a good example to your children as well. 

Based on my experience, our little learned to say bad words from our previous helper. My son even said she cursed him, which made me furious. That's why when she draw the last string of my patience, I didn't think twice and let her go. God is always good, He sent a replacement much better than her. Hopefully she will stay longer and be a good example to our son as well.

Lastly, don’t get tired of our kids because we parents never get tired no matter what. Being a parent is a challenging role. So we must not let such situation make us a monster who is full of hate and depression. Rather turn the negative situation into a positive one for God will never give us anything we can't handle.

Give our kids more time and love because they deserve all that we can give.

Would love to hear your stories too. Please don’t hesitate to share yours in the comment box. Thank you!
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