When can I say "I finally let go"

Hello dearies! How's your weekend? Maulan at mabagyo ba like ours. While Typhoon Karen is leaving another typhoon named Lawin is coming. Sabi nila it's another super typhoon that falls in category 5 like Yolanda. He will hit Northen Luzon again. Let's pray na humina sya.

Anyways, I am a bit emotional right now. It must be the weather or it must because its Monday. Hay, the main reason is when this photo appeared in my Facebook timeline.

This photo was taken two years ago during Matthew's school foundation day. But this not the reason why I am emotional. This photo.

Matthew with Nanay while having afternoon merienda. Two years ago, Nanay was still here with us. And whenever I saw her in photos, I can't help but remember the days when she was already in enormous pain but she kept holding on because I won't let her go. 

Three months ago, she left us when I finally let her be with our creator. I experienced these twice. First with my father when I talked to God, leaving everything to Him during the time my father was sick. Same scenario happened when Nanay was dying. 

Ulila na ako, and I will never be complete again. I know I should let go, that most people tell me. But I tell you, it's so hard when there are so many memories to remember. Remembering those memories makes me feel happy and sad. But I can't help it. I am still grieving and praying she will find peace wherever she is right now.

Dearies, please pray for my Nanay's soul and please also pray for me so I can finally say "I finally let go."

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It's Been A Month Without You

It's been a month without you Nanay. I am longing to see you, to feel you and to hug you. My life is never been the same since you were gone. I pray to God to welcome you in Heaven. You will be with Tatay again. I love you and missed you so much. This is for you...

via Pinterest

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Our Kind of Weekend + Shopping Loots

Hello guys! How’s your weekend? Saan ang lakad? We will most probably stay at home but we will definitely go to Church tomorrow. Since last week naman we had spent our weekend outside home, pahinga muna.

As I have mentioned already, last week we had our Saturdate after a long time.

Daddy, Matthew and I went to SM, first to pick this SM GC. Thank you SM Supermalls! Till next partnership :)

Since our 8^th anniversary is coming, we decided to gift ourselves a new phone. We went around to look for the best phone for us however kuripot kami pareho, hindi agad nakapagdecide haha. Instead, Daddy went to the bank, while Matthew and I shopped for his school shoes, additional socks and a pair of slippers. Biglang lumaki paa nya and his school shoes, which still okay, doesn’t fit his feet na.

It was just quick because I know what to brand to buy. Matthew is not choosy because what he just understand is I’ll buy him a pair of new shoes, slippers and socks. 

Happy na sya sa idea na may bago sya. Though humirit sya ng new lunch box that we will use to make Bento baon.

After that, we roamed around the SM Department store. Initially, I will just buy drinking glasses and place mats. But I ended buying all of these. Haha.

Anyway, it’s been a while since we bought something for our kitchen kaya okay na din, hehe. I-justify ba? I will share those nice and cheap finds next time.

Then had dinner and Matthew had a Dairy Queen Blizzard ice cream as dessert.

After a small talk, we decided to went back to the first cellphone store we visited earlier. But before that Matthew obliged me to take this photo of him. He loves Red Ribbon Mamon daw.

And finally we purchased our new phones. Samsung Galaxy J7 2016 for me.

And Asus Zenfone Selfie for Daddy A. He already had his Asus Zenfone Selfie unboxing post.

So nice. Ang ganda ng camera nya. Look, I took my first selfie using my new Samsung Galaxy J7 2016 phone.

Mukhang convinced na ako that I have lost 14 lbs. My face looks slimmer now, hehe.

Then the next day naman we went to Church and took our first family selfie on my new phone.

Pampagoodvibes lang. 

After hearing a mass, we went home to finish this crochet set.

While doing crocheting, nakita ko picture ng mahal kong Nanay. 

I can't believe she's not with us anymore. It's almost a month since she left us. Whenever I am here at home, naiisip ko sya. Dati andito sya sa tabi ko habang nagbblog ako. Dati andito lang sya habang nagpaplantsa ako. Dati andito lang sya e, pero ngayon wala na.

Kahit anong saya ko kapag naalala ko sya, kumikirot ang puso ko. My heart is broken and left with a wound that will never heal. Iniisip ko na lang na 11 years of her sickness is over and now she's in a much better place, without sickness and without pain.

Whew! Naiyak na naman ako. This is supposedly a happy post. So sorry guys. Let me say na lang a happy weekend! Enjoy your day with your family.

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The Wound That Will Never Heal

It’s been two weeks now since my beloved mother left us. I still remember that most painful day in my life.

Early that morning, I woke with an unusual fast beat of my heart. Bigla akong kinabahan. My mother was the first person that came in my mind. I woke up Daddy and told him, “Bakit ganun, hindi na nagugutom si Nanay? Bakit ako na lang ata nagpipilit na kumain sya. Bakit ako na lang may gusto na mabuhay pa sya…”

I realized that I might be the reason why she’s still not leaving us even she’s ready to go. I don’t want her to go because I want her to just stay in my life. I prayed hard and told God that whatever His plan, thy will be done.

Then I went back to sleep and woke up a bit late then I went straight to her room to check her. She was still sleeping, very calmly. I prepared her meal because she’s always the first one to eat and she needed to take her medicine on time.

I woke her up and she opened her eyes, though still looked so sleepy. Then he coughed hard and I calmed her down telling her, “Nanay, kaya nyo yan. Napapagod na ba kayo?” She just made a sound.

She ate two spoonful of her breakfast then she coughed again. This time, it was long with her eyes already half closed. I put her in my arms and let her sit down. Then I looked at the window and opened the curtain.

When the light enter the room, she opened her eyes and made a very deep breath. I thought she was just holding her breath but I was alarmed when she’s not breathing anymore. I called Daddy and he rushed in and handed me the digital BP monitor.

She again made another deep breath still looking at the light. When I took her BP, it’s an error and no heartbeat registered. I tried to wake her up. I shook her. Pumped her chest. But still no heartbeat. She’s gone. She already left us.

I cried until there’s no tears flowing from my eyes. I can’t believe that this is happening. Though I know she will leave us anytime soon still I am not ready to lose my mother. My mother that I have taken care for more than 4 years... My mother whom I get my strength from is now gone.

People around me are comforting and telling me that this is for the better. That my mother loves me so much that she doesn’t want me to suffer anymore. I must admit that taking care for her is not easy but I was fighting for her life.

But no matter how many comforting words I hear, the pain of losing the most important person in my life never goes away. When she left, it also left a wound in my heart that will never heal. I don’t know when I can finally accept that she already left us and she will never be back.

via Pinterest

No more Nanay to greet in the morning and no more Nanay to welcome me after work.  My heart is aching and missing her so much. My life is never the same again. All I can do is trust God this happens for a reason. And pray for for more strength so I can face tomorrow without my Nanay.

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Happy Birthday to My Tatay... in Heaven

Ten years have passed yet the hole in my heart lefy by my Tatay's death is still there. I know this hole will never be filled again. Every time I think of him, I can't help but regret how just little time we had. It would have been different if he's still here. My mother's condition would have been better. I have so many what if's, but all of these I entrust to God. For I know He had a reason and His plan is way better than ours.

Early today, while I was trimming my Nanay's hair, a white butterfly flew over us. I know it's him reminding me he's with us. Reminding me to more patient and understanding. And to love my mother more.  

Today would have been his 76th birthday. If ever he can read this, I want him to know that my love for him will be always there. And that I will never leave Nanay until it's time for them to meet again. This message is for my beloved Tatay. May the angels send this message to him.

via Pinterest

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Premium Jewelry at PerfectMemorials.com

Grief Quote via Pinterest

Yesterday, we went to a wake of our colleague's husband, who died due to cardiac arrest. He stayed in ICU of Philippine Heart Center for 3 weeks after his almost successful heart surgery operation.

It was always a sad news when someone passed away. I know how painful it is and no words is enough to comfort someone who have lost a loved one. In this case, our colleague lost her better half, best friend and confidant. The man whom she spent almost all her life.

I expected her to be very sad but I was surprised and relieved to see that her sweet smile is still there. While she's narrating how her beloved husband fought for two weeks, I can't help but admire how she accepts everything as God's will. She's the same happy, brave and strong woman I know. She said her husband is ready and so she is. But I know it's still painful, very painful. So I pray that God will give her more strength to face life without her beloved husband.

Death is something most of us fear. The fear of leaving the people we love and the fear of losing people we love. Acceptance and readiness is very important. Most importantly, we should live our life to fullest, waste no time in anger and grudges, but live in God's words. Everything will follow.

So sorry for a sad intro, I was carried away. But what I will share now is very related to death. Have you heard about PerfectMemorials.com?

PerfectMemorials.com is a trusted leading online retail site that has the largest selection of premium quality memorial products. In addition to their unique memorial products, Perfect Memorials introduced a Premium Jewelry Series. The Premium Jewelry Series is a exclusive line of jewelry made to last and keep for generations.

Perfect Memorial Premium Jewelry Series

This Premium Jewelry is not just jewelry. As it is designed to hold a small portion of ashes. You can also put inside anything that reminds you of your loved one. If only I can find a photo of my mother and my beloved father, I would buy one for her.

The addition of this series of quality cremation jewelry proved that Perfect Memorials is a leader when it comes to innovating and developing unique memorial products. 

Good news is Perfect Memorial Premium Jewelry Series is on sale at 5% off and, wait shipping is FREE! Just use this coupon code: PREMIUM15 at check out to avail this promo. Note that this coupon can only be used on the Premium Jewelry series found here, and will expire on 09/15/2015.

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A Letter to my Beloved Tatay

Today would have been the 74th birthday of my father. And so I write this letter for him.

Dear Tay,

It has been 8 years since you left us.The wound in my heart because of losing you had healed but the scar will be there forever. Just when I thought the pain will go away in time, I am wrong. Because every time I think of you, I wish you are still here. It always pinch my heart knowing we can never be with you. That you can never see your apos who all got your chinito eyes. I am so sure if you are just here now, you will tell everyone how cute your apos are. 

I can still hear your seemingly endless laughter whenever Nanay got pikon when she's always talo in your tong its suksukan game. And whenever I hear "matudnila" in radio, it reminded me of you because it was your favorite past time back at home. I cannot forget the day when I burst into tears and tell you how much I love you. How much I care for you and do everything I can so you'll feel better. And I thank God for letting me do that before you left us.

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