Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The Mommy Guilt

I know most of the moms here have this "mommy guilt." It never go away even if you know you are doing all your best to me a mom. It seems like your best is never enough. I will not rant about it though. I just want to share what an always guilty mommy feels.

So I have a 3-year old boy, who by the way will turn 4 in June. I work away from home and so his Daddy. I leave him from 6 in the morning until about 6 in the evening, in the care of his nanny and my mother. He's an active, smart boy by the way and look how adorable he is.

I have to warn you. His charming looks is so deceiving because he can go wild beyond your imagination, haha. Seriously, being a mom to this boy is so challenging. Most of the times, he tests our patience. He's so demanding but very affectionate. He can make us so happy one time, and he can make us mad in a blink of an eye. You will get an heart attack when he jump, crawl up the stairs and run so fast. And if you are our neighbor, you will endlessly hear us calling his name. That's our daily routine everyday.

When we are busy at home, I keep him busy too.

That's him showing his puzzle. Or I will let him write and draw.

Even if he's so hyperactive most of the times, I am proud to say that he can behave while doing his own stuffs. And looking at him, while I am busy doing business too breaks my heart. It even breaks my heart when he tell us words not all 3-year kid can tell. When he said, "mommy sige na pansinin mo ako naman ako", "may time ka ba?", I feel I am ignoring him already. Is he too demanding? I think no, he wants our time.

And so, I realized that if I continue focusing more in doing business, I will miss the child once he is. It will never be enough to feed him, to dress him up, to teach him, to give all he needs. That will never be enough if we didn't give him our time. 

He will only be this young once as I have already said. He will only need me this much once. Soon he will grow up. I don't know if he will still want to kiss and hug him. I always tell him, "anak baka paglaki mo di mo na ako loves ha?" He will reply back, "loves mommy," and he will hug and kiss me. I also ask him, "anak sino pinakamahal ni Matt?", he will quickly reply "Mommy!" 

That's the reason why I always remind Daddy, that Matt will not be forever like that. He will have his own world soon and true enough he will be in school in June. And that means more challenges for us. And for sure this mommy guilt will even be intensified.

I don't aim to be the perfect mom because I will never be one. Knowing that I am doing my job right is enough to counteract my mommy guilt. I hope it's really enough :)

Happy Tuesday everyone! I will be happy to read your experiences too, please do share :)
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